~Piece by Piece~

The I after You

lay dormant

in the heart of Winter

snow and shards of ice 

as sharp as any knife 

created protective layers

over my cold skin

But piece by piece

I thawed

First my feet

then my legs

then my belly

then my heart

and finally

my brain

started to come

back to life

like bright green leaves

and rich brown roots

Every once in a while

I was tempted to retreat

back under the frozen ground

to seek sanctuary far from

any heartbeat or blood pulsing

through my fragile veins

To be alive again stung

like frozen heat

But piece by piece

I became whole again

(Dedicated to my husband who has made me feel more alive than ever.)

~I Dream of Flame Trees~

At night she came to me
curved against my hip
like meat cleaving 
to my gleaming white bones
I felt her enter into my
pelvis, twining her spirit with mine
twisting hope out of me

When she whispered
"You are MINE"
I knew she possessed me

I chanted
"Hear O' Israel"
I sang
"Whoever dwells in the shelter
of the most high
will rest in the shadow of
the Almighty"

But to no avail

She had found her twin
Frailties and flaws
Pain and illness
Her ghostly sins and mine
Mixed with rue and 
the mud of our history
interwoven between 
there and here

No, she would not leave
until she chose to
(Was there an Ibbur to save me?)

What is your name???!!
Only to be answered 
by sand and salt
rubbing into my wounds
You see, only I could 
set myself free
but once her presence
was banished
what would fill the void?

So I keep hidden
in the shadows of my home
afraid to step into the sunlight
Expose what I had become
What I have always been
For she and I are sewn together
with blood and marrow
and feathers torn from doves

Night after night
In the darkness of my dreams
I see her serpent hair and green skin
I dream of flame trees in the desert
as I hear her chant my discretions
one by one

Day after day
I feel her mock 
my efforts to free myself
for she knows they are half-hearted
Psalm after psalm
I falsely beg heaven and earth
to free me
My sins increasing with
each empty utterance

Until finally one day I can no longer bear 
the burden of my ways
I seek true forgiveness
and freedom
I seek to set myself free

Raphael
Raphael
Raphael

I should not have harmed you
I should not have harmed you
I should not have harmed you

You harmed not should I
You harmed not should I
You harmed not should I

Break her grasp on me
Break my grasp on her
Break me

And then....please....heal me

************************************

(This poem is based on ancient Jewish beliefs of demons and how to rid oneself of them. Inspired by a historical/biblical fiction novel I am reading and my love of Judaism.  Thankfully, this is NOT autobiographical.)